I enjoy watching porn, and I am not afraid to admit that. Growing up it was never deemed a negative activity and I never feel ashamed of searching for something to watch. However, I am aware that this is most certainly not the case for most people, especially women. Porn seems to confuse some people and disgust others. I often get asked all sorts of different questions about porn: Is it normal to watch and enjoy it? How much is too much? My girlfriend doesn’t like cum in her face like the porn stars do, is that normal? And so on and so forth. Porn often gets a bad rep from people who think it promotes violence against women, or portrays a false view of sex, yet it can actually be a great addition to a sexual experience.
When it comes to the difference between porn sex and real sex, there are many. The myths perpetuated by porn abound, and sadly if a young person grows up with porn as their only form of sexual stimulus and reference, then it can lead to skewed perceptions of sex and performance. Porn focuses on performance, not pleasure. You have to remember that porn stars are actors, and therefore are simply acting out the pleasure and ecstasy that you see on the screen.
Some myths that porn perpetuates include:
- Women have screaming orgasms all the time
- Women moan in bed and make a lot of noise, indicating their pleasure in the experience
- Women like being pounded hard, and this alone will bring them to orgasm
- Women like having a man ejaculate in their face.
- Men have extremely large penises and can maintain an erection for ages.
- All men like porn, and all women don’t
In terms of these myths, most hold some truths but often are a complete exaggeration of the real-life experience.
- For a woman, an orgasm is generally a learnt experience. By this I mean that she has spent time getting to know her body, its responses and how to reach climax. A lot of women struggle to orgasm when they are sick, stressed or tired, and so don’t expect her to have earth-shattering orgasms every time you get it on (this is of course a generalisation and some women do experience this. Remember, every person’s sexual response is unique).
- Women are known to be more vocal in bed than men, but most women aren’t going to wake the neighbours with their moans and screams. Expecting her to scream like a porn star is quite unrealistic, although some women are far more vocal than others.
- Pounding your lady might get you close to orgasm, but trust me it is very rare that this is stimulating her enough to get her to the same point. Women need a lot more stimulation than men, and most women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Porn stars are faking it, so don’t be tricked into thinking this is going to get your girl the climax she craves. Although porn often includes foreplay, your lady may need far more and may need direct clitoral stimulation during actual sex.
- Some girls don’t mind semen on their bodies, but there are actually very few girls that like a full face of ejaculate (especially if its anywhere near her eyes – it burns, a lot)! A lot of men fantasise about ejaculating onto their partner’s face – this could be due to porn or the idea of their partner submitting to them. However, if you want to do this to your partner, discuss it with them before you do it to see how they feel. They may not mind it a few times but it’s unlikely they will want it happening every time you have sex.
- There are some men who can maintain an erection for hours on end, and keep going all night… but I assure you this is the minority rather than the majority. All men have what is called a refractory (or recovery) period, meaning that after sex they will need some time to recover before they can attain another erection and ejaculate again, if at all. Porn stars have bigger than average penises to start with, and they also have somebody in the wings called a fluffer, who is specifically hired to keep the male actors aroused during the filming process. They refrain from ejaculation for a few days prior to shooting (no cum means no pay). Not being able to get it up once or twice as a young man is completely normal (especially when alcohol is involved) and becomes even more common over the age of 50.
- Every person has different sexual tastes and preferences, however most men enjoy watching porn and surprisingly, most women do to. Men are generally turned on by porn as they are visual, and thus seeing something sexual should lead to sexual arousal. There is a misconception that women don’t like it, but you may be surprised to hear that I have only ever met one of these women. Most women have seen porn and continue to watch it on a regular basis, either alone or with a partner. The difference between men and women arises in terms of what type of porn is being watched…
The most common fantasies that men and women use as sexual stimulus include girl on girl, group sex, forceful or submissive sex, and role-play. Although all of these are common during pornos, they are less common in real life. A man who enjoys watching girl-on-girl porn (the most commonly watched porn among men) is unlikely to experience this that often in real life. Similarly, the most common fantasy among women is being forced to have sex or give oral sex, yet very few women would ever want to act this out or be in this situation. Porn is fantasy, and acts as an outlet for us to fantasise through. Men are visual, and so watching something sexual is usually a turn-on, whereas with women it often plants the seed for further fantasising when the TV/ Laptop is switched off.
Another point that differentiates real life to porn is aesthetics, that being bodies, hair and genitals. As mentioned, male porn stars have far larger than the average penis (this is usually part of the job requirement) and their pubic hair is mostly completely clean shaven, whereas the average man may not groom at all, if only a little. Women in porn films generally have large, perky breasts and near to clean shaven/ waxed genitals, whereas in real life women’s breasts come in all shapes and sizes, and every women has a different preference when it comes to their own pubic hair.
What can porn add to your relationship? Well that all depends on if you are comfortable to introduce it into your relationship, or leave it as a private activity that you enjoy on your own. It should not be something to be ashamed of, and in no way indicates that you like you partner less or find them less sexually attractive. As I said, porn is about fantasy, and fantasy is a perfectly normal and healthy part of sexual life. Porn can be a great addition to your sexual experience as a couple, as it can give you something extra to focus on, fantasise and explore. Some couples like to act out the scenes from pornos, and others like to watch it to get even more turned on while having sex. If you’re new to this but want to try it, I recommend starting with something soft, like X-Art, and then graduating to harder porn if you both feel you’d like to. The internet has made pornography accessible at all times of the day and night, so wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, you can get porn on your phone, iPad or computer.
I once read that Facebook had become more popular than porn! This saddened me, as this form of sexual expression is definitely something everybody should explore at least once. It allows you to explore your fantasies and desires, and it can provide us with a sexual outlet if we need it.
The following is a great video detailing how porn differs from real life… Definitely worth a watch: