Her pleasure

Generally, a woman’s orgasm does not come about as naturally as a man’s does. It’s more about self-awareness, exploration and experimentation with us girls. We learn from experience what we like and what gets us close, and then we work with that to make sure we get what we all desire the most from a sexual experience next to intimacy – an orgasm. Sadly Hollywood depicts women who orgasm with the lightest touch, who can come at the click of a man’s fingers, but of course most of us learn as we grow up and become more sexually experienced that this is not really how it works. All women are different when it comes to orgasms so don’t get disheartened if one friend tells you she can come in 2 minutes, and come numerous times in one session. She probably can, and there are many women out there like that. But if it takes you an average of 20 minutes or longer as it’s been found to get a woman to climax, then you’re normal, and lucky – some women cannot orgasm or have never experienced the right sort of stimulation to push them over that edge! It’s actually normal for women not to orgasm from sex alone, as we need far more stimulation than what men do. Regardless of not reaching orgasm, if the sex is good and there is a connection with the person you’re having sex with; most women enjoy the experience regardless. 

For women, it’s the clitoris that does most of the work in getting you to orgasm. This tiny body part is only there for sexual sensation and pleasure, and its 8000 nerve-endings contribute to why it feels so good when touched, rubbed or licked. You may have heard the terms ‘clitoral orgasm’ and ‘vaginal orgasm’. These refer to an orgasm that originates in either the clitoris or from the g-spot (vaginal). Women generally have clitoral orgasms, induced from the friction on it during sex, but having your g-spot stimulated will bring you to orgasm as well, but with fewer PC muscle contractions (see my post on PC muscles and why it’s so important to work them out here http://betweenthesheetssa.com/2013/04/18/kegel/).

 More please sir…

Women are capable of having multiple orgasms, and as much as men may be jealous, they love seeing that they can do that to a woman. Women are capable of this because unlike men, women don’t have a refractory/ recovery period. Men generally need to take a short break after sex before they can go again, whereas women don’t and can keep going for as long as they want. As men get older, the length of the refractory period increases, and often by the time a man reaches his later years his recovery time can even be as long as a few days!

Some women say that they can’t have multiple O’s, and for other women only having one is abnormal. Every woman is different and experiences something different in the bedroom. The record is 134 in one hour – how exhausting – but generally a woman who can have multiple orgasms might experience anything from two to five during one sexual experience. A woman will reach orgasm quicker the second, third time around and they are generally more intense the more she has.

 Faking it

Faking it is sadly rather familiar to some women, and is increasingly becoming a common occurrence among men as well. Meg Ryan showed us just how easy it is in the 1989 film When Harry met Sally, yet women still  do it far more often than men realise and all because it’s a lot easier for a woman to hide it than a man who has something to show for it after an orgasm.

Faking it helps no one really – if you fake it you’ve obviously not enjoyed the sexual experience or you feel that you need to fake it to fulfill something for your partner. For them it means that they are misinformed about what feels good for you and how can your partner get you to really orgasm if they think that what they are already doing is hitting the spot. It might seem easier to fake it when you know that it’s just not going to happen, but you’re actually doing both yourself and your partner injustice, and setting yourselves up for more disappointment. In a relationship, sex and orgasms create bonds and help develop build trust, so faking it will ultimately contribute to undermining this, if faking becomes a habit. Rather be honest with yourself and your partner. Generally, your partner will be alright that this particular sexual encounter isn’t working for you and that you’ve been honest with them. If you can usually orgasm with your partner then it’s probably got something to do with certain factors, such as position or stress. If you’re with a new partner and fake it because they aren’t getting you there, show them and guide them in what feels good for you.

If you need to fake it every once in a while that’s your prerogative, but don’t make a habit out of it or you’ll only be letting yourself down in getting that orgasm we all want!